Let’s Talk About “Bad Words”

Parenting | Faith | Emotional Intelligence | Come As You Are

 I’ve always thought the whole “bad words” list was a little ridiculous.

When you actually stop and think about it, half the words on the list don’t even make sense to be “bad.” They’re just words. And words only have power based on how you use them.

The “Clean Version” Problem

When Jordan was younger, grade school, maybe a little earlier he started singing the same songs I was singing. At first, I tried to do the whole “clean version” thing. Protect his ears. Keep things appropriate.

And then I realized something: I don’t even want to listen to the clean version. So why would I teach him to pretend?

I’ve never been a “do as I say, not as I do” parent. I’ve always been a “let me explain how the world actually works so you don’t get blindsided” parent. And no, it’s not reckless parenting. That’s real parenting in the real world.

The Conversation I Had With Jordan

So I sat him down and I told him, “There are words I don’t personally care if you say. But society does. And here’s why.” I didn’t give him a rule. I gave him categories. And I gave him context. Because I’d rather him understand something than just follow a rule he’ll eventually break anyway.

Category 1: Words I Don’t Personally Care About  But Adults Will Clutch Their Pearls

“Shit” - It’s literally just poop. That’s the word. That’s all it is.

“Damn” - An expression of frustration. Humans have been frustrated since the beginning of time.

“F--k” - It’s sex, y’all. That’s the origin. That’s it.

“Bitch” - A female dog. That’s the dictionary definition.

None of these words are inherently evil. The issue is context and intent. You don’t call someone a bitch because now you’re not describing a dog you’re attacking their identity. You don’t scream expletives in your grandmother’s living room because context matters. You don’t use these words in professional settings because that’s called reading the room.

Category 2: Words That Aren’t “Bad” They’re Harmful

There’s a category that exists above the pearl-clutching list. These aren’t just words that make people uncomfortable. These are words that carry history, violence, oppression, and identity-based harm.

The n-word. Slurs based on sexuality, religion, ethnicity. Words that were created specifically to dehumanize people.

I didn’t tell Jordan he could never say them because they’re “bad.” I told him: these words have a history, and if you choose to use them, you need to be fully prepared for the consequences, social, relational, and sometimes physical.

Category 3: Words I Still Don’t Fully Understand

Like “mothef---er.”

Who is doing that? Why is that a phrase? What is the origin story? I genuinely have questions that I have never gotten satisfactory answers to. But I included it because context matters and even words we don’t fully understand deserve a conversation. And honestly, I do like to say it from time to time. 

The Real Point: Wisdom Over Performance

I didn’t want Jordan growing up confused, scared of language, or performing “goodness” in front of adults while privately doing the same thing everyone else does. I wanted him to understand the meaning.  The impact. The Why.

Not performance. Not perfection. Just awareness. Most “bad words” aren’t bad. But some words are harmful. And wisdom is knowing the difference.

The goal was never to raise a child who avoids certain words. The goal was to raise a human being who understands language, context, intent, and impact. Someone who doesn’t say “f--k” at a job interview not because he was told it’s bad but because he understands that professional spaces have unspoken codes, and he knows how to navigate them.

That’s the whole lesson.

 This is what “Come As You Are” looks like in parenting. It’s not permissiveness. It’s not recklessness. It’s meeting your child in the reality they actually live in and equipping them with truth instead of rules they’ll quietly abandon the second you’re not watching.

I’d rather have a kid who makes informed choices than a kid who performs obedience.